3-minute management course
Wenn BWL tatsächlich nur so einfach wäre..
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized" Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went
on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish. "Me
first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. "Puff! She's gone. "Me
next!
Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life. "Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie
says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a
lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the
turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
BullS*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing
and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the
bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story
1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course!
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized" Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went
on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish. "Me
first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. "Puff! She's gone. "Me
next!
Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life. "Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie
says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a
lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the
turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
BullS*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing
and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the
bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story
1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course!
Labels: fun, management
